With so much going on and in the world. The world and all the people need so much healing. So many people and so many stories. All the people have so much to share. We are sometimes so consumed with our outer selves and achievement that we tend to forget one of the most important things which are understanding. Today was an extremely busy day for me. With everything, I never had a chance to even sit and do a little bit of writing or reading myself. But never imagined the end of the day would bring so much thought and contemplation to me. Can you tell me what are the qualities a person is considered to be qualified enough to be respected? Is there really a degree that certifies us as a respectable person or is the portrait of us that a person has is all that matters. I think many of us being judged by the way we look or talk. Is a college degree or a beauty pageant is the only identity a person can have. We think we are very modern but really have we come out of our narrow thought process and value an individual and not the monetary, social, physical, or educational aspects. What is more important a person with a degree or a person with unconditional love at any given day for me would be love.
There is so much suffering in the world and people are dying because of the dangerous diseases, accidents, and so many other reasons. Amidst all these can we not just stay in peace in our house. Why there has to be domestic violence or suicidal attempts happening. Where is the gap that is not being bridged? In this lockdown situation, I have heard people saying they are getting bored and don't have anything to do in their homes. I have a suggestion if anyone wants to consider. If you are a little willing and want to help people help them who are n need, even a small gesture counts. I am really thinking, shouldn't there should be a system where every human being irrespective of class, caste, or religion be taught the basic values of life and what makes a marriage peaceful one. I have not heard any couple not go through the agony and pain of staying together with their spouses.
As schooling is a mandatory kind of thing, I think there should be a law to educate people before they enter the marital relationship. Marriage is a blessing, but as days are passing, it is becoming more like a social thing and shows off that love and mutual understand and respect. What is the point of education, money, and modernization if still there are tears rolling secretly from every household. Some stories which are horrifying are heard and some which are pathetic and shameful are hushed behind the doors. I doubt there are any women on earth who has not gone through any of the mental torture and pain by a male. Either she must have face genocide, abuse, some disparity between siblings or domestic violence, and more. I cannot even begin to mention as I would be writing only that. If today people are saying, we are modern and women are given equal rights then I think it is nothing more than a vision which we all optimistic people have.
I am moved by the ultimate push today after hearing from a friend what she is going through or has been through since marriage. I cannot even say, that I am shocked because that would be a lie, the truth is I am not. I know it is very common in marriage. Women are flying planes and also being beaten in modern life and powerful nations. Yes, they get help only after all the bad things have happened. Don't we have a responsibility to educate spouses before marriage what an ideal marriage would look like and what are the roles that they would be performing? How things will be different once they have a family and how each one of them has to abide by the emotional vows they make during the marriage towards each other before tying the knot.
Adjusting with a new partner could be challenging and no one tells the couple before they are getting married. There are so much parental pressure and involvement that sometimes it becomes more like an occasion to celebrate rather than two people uniting. And they should be given some kind of learning from they step into a different world of wedding.
This is one of the major parts of our life that we decide to be with someone. So that someone should understand us and all the expectation should be expressed very clearly. Clear communication is one of the keys to a successful marriage.
The basic things that I think a couple has to do it is,
1. TALK to each other.
2. RESPECT each other the way they are.
3. Try to UNDERSTAND their needs.
4. DECIDE unanimously
5. PROVIDE each other comfort in a stressful situation.
6. Never be judgemental towards each other
7. Never compare their spouses with any other individual. ( All individuals are unique so I think comparing two individuals is so futile)
8. Remember why you married the person in the first place.
9. Things change so do emotions but remembering the promise to keep each other happy is important.
10. Return love with love and express love for love.
We can always very easily become someone's reason for pain and sorrow but born as a human must be purposeful don't make giving pain as yours. If you can't do anything don't but don't give pain to someone either physically or emotionally. We unite with the bond of marriage to be a support and get support not because we want someone to be irritated or crying because of us. our mothers have carried us in the womb and given us the beautiful gift of life. Let's use to make others happy. Spread happiness and joy. How much you give ten folds will return to you. The temporary world needs no more pain and suffering. Be the key to happiness and let every day and everyone be happy. Remember karma. what you sow so shall you reap.
By- Shilpi Chanda - Certified Health & Life Coach